I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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