nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
