Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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