Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Randomize
