Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
