so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
