i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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