Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
