i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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