Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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