Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
