haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
