When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
