Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
