apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Did I show you my penis last night?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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