The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
