is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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