My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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