She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We talked him into tasing himself.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
