Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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