I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My life is pants optional.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
