I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize