where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
"it" just moved
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
