Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
