not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
