I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
