Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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