I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
