i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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