I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
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