Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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