Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
