I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
