What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
