so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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