Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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