he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
