I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
