He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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