you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
