I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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