whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
