I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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