He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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