Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
