mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
