I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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