So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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