our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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