I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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