I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
