You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
