I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
