sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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