she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
