Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
