Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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