yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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