OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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