Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
