I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
