i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
