Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
