You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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