Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
