it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
