dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
