You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
