Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
