im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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