All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
