and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize