If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
