yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
