I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
