I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
